You Don't Need To Read No Books On My History

What's up Kids?

Now that we've rid ourselves of the pleasantries, I'll get right to it.

Those that know me, are aware of two things that make up my persona. Whether it's for better or worse is of no consequence to me. One, I always say what's on my mind, and two, I nevereverEVER back down from a challenge.

Those who really know me (and there are very, very few of you), accept me for the baggage I drag along. If you've been lucky enough to view what's "in my backpack" (yep I went there), and still unconditionally accept me and my faults, thank you. I'm damn lucky to have you as part of my world.

There are some whom I've given the privilege of being one of 3 people who have been granted access to my code---to what really makes the Cyborg tick. To you I say, "really, and you still like me?"

Then there are the rest. Those who don't know anything about me, and will never be given the chance. There is a reason for this. I will never let you in. If you must however, persist in your endless pursuit of my vitals, your search, well, has ended. I'm going to make it easy on you.

I was the son of a Sharecropper. Oh wait, that was George Jefferson. I could "so" get worse, but I'll keep the pot from boiling over.

I'll start again. This time by laying out the ground rules. Rule number one. Don't talk about Fight Club. Ok, ok. I'll get serious. You sure you want me to?

For some reason unknown to me, there are those who see me as a mystery. They may say to themselves, "I wonder if he (fill in the blank)." Why wonder? There is one surefire way to get any answer to any question you may have about me, AND YOU AIN'T GONNA FIND IT ON GOOGLE! If you want to know, get it from the source. There is only one copy of the dictionary that defines who I am, and I'm holding it. By the way, the book is open for your viewing pleasure if I allow you to see it. What I'm saying is, I guess if there were any "Rules of Engagement" regarding me, I would start with:

1) Unless you're looking to hire my services as a Fitness Professional, and have exhausted every other avenue, DON'T GOOGLE ME! You won't find anything that I don't want you to know. Besides, that road leads to the most boring read since the Yellow Pages.

2) There is no need for roundtable discussions regarding my personal life. Really? Have you actually given me that kind of power? Oh yeah, you're "Life" called, and wants to know if you want it back. If you want to know, here's a tip. Ask me. If I want you in my loop, I'll answer. If I tell you to MYOFB, it's not that I'm hiding anything, it's that you are not important enough to me to let you in.

3) You are entitled to your opinion of me. By the way, if you don't like me, I kinda don't care. See, it's like this. We have one personality. People love you and hate you for the same reasons. Have you ever noticed this? Oh yeah. I think I'm great. If you don't think I am, well again, that's you're opinion. That being said, if you don't think that YOU are great, that's a YOU problem. Don't penalized me or anyone else for your lack of self worth.

4) If I do not feel that we can promote one another's growth, we will never be friends. I know that sounds a bit harsh, but if I were lazy, and had no goals, how long would you deal with me before you said, "see ya!" It's ok. Tell the truth. The feeling is mutual.

5) Be warned. Don't ask me a question unless you expect the truth. Keep in my that I may tell you to MYOFB.

6) Please don't confuse my passion with anger. I am not an angry person, but I reserve the right to blow my top when I deem it necessary.

7) Don't EVER sing the song "Hey There Delilah" in my presence. OMG I will hurt you bad.

Ok. Those are "DA RULES". Lets play our silly little game.

I'm going to attempt to hit the bullseye on the first shot. I'm thinking of questions that may come up during a casual conversation. OK GOT IT!

I've had 6 girlfriends my entire life, two of which I married, and subsequently divorced. If I was forced to place blame, I'd say neither party in either marriage cared enough to fight for it.

I haven't dated in 4 years. Haven't tried. Too afraid I'd be wasting my time. If you're thinking "bitter", ***DING DING DING*** Would you like the the sterling silver flatware, or a chance to win what's in the box that Vanna is holding?

I've been arrested more times than I've been married. Don't speculate..remember the rules? Ask me if you really want to know.

I used to drink. A LOT. I quit smoking because personal trainers should not smoke. I quit drinking because one night I was too drunk to take a drive to care for someone that I love. I'll never forget that day and have not had more that four beers in one month in ten years.

Well, I guess that covers (or uncovers) the stupid shit that those who are shallow might consider important in getting to know someone. If this is you, and you know who you are, there's a song by Sting called "Still Know Nothing 'Bout Me". Take a listen. You might learn something about me.

Oh, if you heard something about me, but didn't hear it from me, I'll say it again. If you feel you just have to know...ASK!!

I really hope this clears things up. It certainly answers the "Gee, I wonder why he's 45 and single?" question.

I'm going somewhere to meditate. HAHA!! Meditate. I meant ride my bike down a mountain.